Why Teddy Roosevelt Would Beat Winston Churchill in a fight.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. These are some of the things that our country was founded upon. But there is a 4th thing. That fourth thing is the right for Teddy Roosevelt to beat Winston Churchill in a fight. This right is enforced by the fact that although Winston Churchill and Teddy Roosevelt were overweight, Teddy Roosevelt was trained to use his fat to his advantage. An example of this is when he was giving a campaign speech in 1912, he was shot, and he ended up giving a two-hour speech before seeking medical help. This is also enforced by the fact that Teddy Roosevelt was a master at strategy. And well, Winston Churchill, threw away lives at Gallipoli, showing his negligence in combat.

And of course, the undeniable fact, that if you have God on your side, you will always win. Teddy Roosevelt, was a member of a sect of christianity called Muscular Christanity therefore he had God on his side. Along with that, one thing you must consider is that Winston Churchill hated the Japanese, while Teddy Roosevelt helped negotiate a treaty between the Japanese and Russians, where the Japanese secured a victory. Because of the Japanese victory in 1905, the Japanese expanded their Empire, which resulted in their invasion of China which then resulted in their need for oil, which then resulted in the United States cutting off their oil supply, which led to the pearl harbor bombing, which led to Japan being nuked, which led to the creation of anime. So, Teddy Roosevelt automatically has both God, and anime, on his side. Making him the victor in any fight against Winston Churchill.

Let me tell you a story, about a little boy named Charlie. Charlie went trick or treating on Halloween dressed as Winston Churchill. Immediately upon leaving the house, he was knocked unconscious by a 34-year-old man dressed as Teddy Roosevelt. This is why Winston Churchill would lose in a fight against Teddy Roosevelt. Because if an eight-year-old dressed as Winston Churchill can’t beat a grown man dressed as Teddy Roosevelt, how could Winston Churchill do it? Winston Churchill would probably retreat, hide in his room, wouldn’t fight back at all, and then talk about how he isn’t surrendering. Even though, it’s obvious that he’s out of commission for a long time

One question that may be asked is “Why? Why write this article?” It is because someone had to, someone had to add an opposing view to the mainstream view in our political environment. It’s taught in our schools, universities, and churches, that Winston Churchill would beat Teddy Roosevelt in a fight. This is false and I think we all know it. Like the theory that playdo isn’t edible, the idea that Winston Churchill would beat Teddy Roosevelt in a fight is a shaky theory at best.